Character and Leadership

Below is my Character and Leadership final essay for my leadership formation class. Please let me know your thoughts. *The format is weird on here so hopefully you can understand the flow of the paper. 

Character and Leadership

Amanda Hollen

PMIN 4303

Instructor: Brent Hinkle

October 22, 2012

1 Peter 1:15-16 reveals, “But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy”. These verses display the character that Christ-followers are to mold themselves after. Jesus is holy and Christians are to be like Him, especially when regarding leadership. Character and Leadership go hand-in-hand in ministry. In this paper, I will dialogue with authors- Henri Nouwen and John Maxwell, and give my own view on the connection between character and leadership. I will unveil how this affects my philosophy of leadership. Then I will discuss three temptations and three anecdotes for those temptations from Nouwen and how these apply to my life. After that, I will share why the compelling story of Bill in the Epilogue in Nouwen's book is significant to leadership. Finally, I will propose my six month plan for continual leadership development.

       In John Maxwell's book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, he discusses the importance of trust for leaders to have with their followers. According to Maxwell, being trustworthy is the basic way of exhibiting character within leadership; “A leader's good character builds trust among his (or her) followers” (p.67). When character is present, it allows for easier communication. Maxwell believes that character communicates three important things: consistency, potential, and respect. In order to be have good character in leadership, a person must be consistent so followers know what to expect, if they do not know what they are getting, then they will stop following (p.65). A leader must also be able to show people their potential. Maxwell reveals,

“When a leader's character is strong, people trust him (or her), and they trust in his ability to release their potential. That not only gives his followers hope for the future, but it also promotes a strong belief in themselves and their organization” (p.66).

Character helps leaders earn respect. When leaders allow the Holy Spirit to lead him or her to make good decisions, not getting a big independent ego, and looking out for what is best for his or her followers, then this builds respect (p.66). People will trust and respect those who they know will take care of them.

     Henri Nouwen's concept of character and leadership are portrayed in a different way than Maxwell. Maxwell simply states 'this is what character and leadership looks like'... Nouwen's comes with a story of humbleness. Nouwen attended Harvard but journeyed to L'Arche, a community for mentally handicapped, after meeting Jean Vanier. Vanier inspired Nouwen to spend a year of writing in L'Arche. This is where he felt at home so he became a pastor there. The statement "go live among the poor and they will heal you", applied to Nouwen's life, would be that disabled people allowed him to not only recover from severe depression but become humbled. I believe through his humbleness, he built character and leadership within the community and he understood that, “The Christian leader of the future is the one who truly knows the heart of God as it has become flesh, 'a heart of flesh', in Jesus (Nouwen, 1989, p.38)”. A leader like that, truly displays character and leadership.

        Character is incredibly important to ministry, due to the fact if a leader is going to lead, he or she needs to be trustworthy and ultimately, people will follow truth tellers. This is exactly what John Maxwell said too; people follow those that they trust. Honesty within character is key! Good character keeps a person honest in life and on the right track, so I believe it is very essential. 1 Peter 1:15 applies to character formation in my life and the life of others because it gives a standard to live by and to strive to achieve. "Be Holy as He is Holy"; just hearing that, spurs motivation in me to live a better life and be a better leader. Thus, character and leadership should always be found together, because they enable a person to lead to his or her fullest ability.

       Due to the connection between character and leadership, my philosophy of leadership has been affected. Not only do I desire to be a better leader, by becoming more trustworthy, but I desire to be a better follower of Jesus. Lately I have been struggling to trust God but after reading all that Maxwell writes about character and leadership, I understand that is God who instills those aspects into a person's life and allows them to reach their potential. Knowing this, I understand that in order to allow God to take me to my greatest potential, I must trust Him before I can trust others or before they can trust me. Not only have I been struggling with trusting God but I have not been displaying humility lately. I have allowed self-doubt and bitterness build up in my heart and cloud my ability to surrender. After reading Nouwen's journey to L'Arche, I understand that I must have a surrendered heart in my ministry, so that God can use me to reach out to others without fear or doubt in myself or Him. When applying what I have learned to my philosophy of leadership, I believe I have gained a greater respect and deeper understanding of my calling to lead others to the throne of God.

        In Henri Nouwen's book In the Name of Jesus, he reveals three temptations and three anecdotes for these temptations that are present within leadership. The three temptations are: the temptation to be relevant, the temptation to be spectacular, and the temptation to be powerful. For these temptations, there are anecdotes (matching the order of those listed above): contemplative prayer, confession and forgiveness, and theological reflection.

       The temptation to be relevant is something that Nouwen dealt with personally. Like him, I have also been tempted to be relevant. Nouwen discusses his temptation of being relevant and how when he walks through the outskirts of Lima, Peru, and his desire to be able to turn stone into bread (p.30); I have had that feeling so many times while doing ministry. My thoughts of “Well if I could just do this....” haunt me constantly. To cure this temptation, Nouwen encourages contemplative prayer which allows a person to keep his or her self from being drown in ministry. “Contemplative prayer keeps us home, rooted and safe... (it) deepens in us the knowledge that we are already free, that we have already found a place to dwell, that we already belong to God...” (Nouwen, 1989, p.43). With both humility and discernment through contemplative prayer, a person can be on the road to success in ministry and avoid the temptation to be relevant.

         The temptation to be spectacular deals with the desire that so many leaders feel like they can 'show off' due to their ability to lead and they feel like they are good at everything. "Not too many of us have a vast repertoire of skills to be proud of, but most of us still feel that, if we have anything to show, it is something we have to do solo" (Nouwen,1989, p.55). Leaders must realize that they can't be the hero and do it all alone. Just as Jesus did, we must refuse to be tempted; "Jesus refused to be a stunt man. He did not come to walk on hot coals, swallow fire, or put his hand in the lion's mouth to demonstrate that he had something worthwhile to say" (Nouwen, 1989, p.55). We must first seek God and write His truth on our hearts and then allow others to hold us accountable when we are tempted. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23). Along with seeking God and His truth, a leader must confess and embrace forgiveness;

        “Through confession, the dark powers are taken out of their carnal isolation, brought into light, and  made visible to the community. Through forgiveness, they are disarmed and “ dispelled and a new integration   between body and spirit is made possible” (Nouwen, p.68).

Confession and forgiveness allow a leader to be free from the temptation to be spectacular.

         The temptation of power seems so irresistible to many leaders. The reason why is because “It is that power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. It seems easier to be God than to be love, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life” (Nouwen, 1989, p.77). Nouwen unveils that theological reflection is the anecdote to wanting to be powerful. The reason theological reflection works is because it allows leaders to discern critically where they are being led (Nouwen, p.85). “Theological reflection is reflecting on the painful and joyful realities of every day with the mind of Jesus and thereby raising human consciousness to the knowledge of God's gentle guidance” (Nouwen, 1989, p.88). When leaders are using theological reflection he or she is allowing the Holy Spirit to guide what he or she is doing and not allowing for independence to kick in and take over. A leader must always be taking captive his or her thoughts and comparing them to the word of God, then casting out anything that is not of God that sneaks into his or her thoughts.

        Personally, I have been facing the temptation to be powerful for awhile now. So I have found that the saying, “When I am weak then I am strong, when I strong it is then I am weak” is a great reminder for me. I need to remember that when I am weak is when I am strongest because I have God carrying me and leading me in His path. Yet, when I am strong, is when I am weakest due to my reliance on my self-help and not allowing God to help me. Only when I surrender my heart to Him will He lead me and in order to do that, I must become vulnerable and weak to allow Him to fill me with His strength. I also must learn to take every thought captive and allow God to speak to me through theological reflection.

      In the epilogue of Nouwen's book, there is a compelling story of a man named Bill. This story is important to the portrayal of leadership because it speaks volumes of doing ministry together. Yes, the temptation to be powerful is present, but as I have already discussed, there is benefit in doing ministry with others. One leader cannot do it all by his or her self, all the characteristics and gifts are not available in one person. So, in order to succeed in leadership, people must rely on each other and build off of what gifts each person has, just as Bill and Henri did in Nouwen's speech. Bill's presence and input, allowed the audience to become more relaxed and feel more comfortable, something that Nouwen may not have been able to do himself. Also, Bill allowed Nouwen's temptations to fall away and for him to speak more freely and relaxed. When people have support like this is leadership, they are most likely to succeed.

        Over the next six months, I will do many things to ensure my continued growth as a leader. I will start off by searching God's word daily and seeking His will for my life. I will continue to trust Him and build my 'trust bank' with others. I will seek counsel from not only the Holy Spirit, but other wise and knowledgeable people who are Christ-followers. These people can hold me accountable in my walk with God and push me to become a greater leader. I will seek to build that support group and continue to listen to my mentor's, my pastor's, and the voices of those leaders that I respect, to know whether my ministry is headed in the right direction. I believe that God will through the people listed above, in order to let me know I am doing a good job or not. Thus, I must be in tune with the Holy Spirit so that I can clearly hear what God is trying to say to me. Listening to God and the respected leaders in my life will help me stay on track and push me toward success in my ministry.

         In conclusion, I now deeply understand the importance of character and leadership within my ministry. In this paper, I have engaged with authors- Henri Nouwen and John Maxwell, and given my own view on the connection between character and leadership. I have unveiled how this affects my philosophy of leadership. Then I discussed three temptations and three anecdotes for those temptations from Nouwen and how those apply to my life. After that, I shared why the compelling story of Bill in the Epilogue in Nouwen's book is significant to leadership. Finally, I proposed my six month plan for continued leadership development.

The Lord is Faithful

 Let me tell you some great news!!!


For several months now, my husband and I have been trying to find jobs and a place to live in Missouri (to get closer to my family, while staying close to his family also). Specifically Joplin at the time and we weren't having any luck. We would get a good feeling about a job, only to be turned down and  honestly, we were getting quite discouraged. We had to keep in mind that God has a plan for us. This can be really difficult though when your ego is hurt in the process and it feels like there's no hope. 


So, instead of claiming defeat, we started looking in Springfield. And let me tell you God is faithful and GOOD!! We went on a day trip to Springfield yesterday to apply for jobs and look at apartments. We started out the morning with Brandon applying for a job that he has lots of experience in and it pays really well, only to have a guy walk to interview for the job he was applying for. That was a little threatening. Then we went to look at 3 different places we were interested in living in. Every place was truly welcoming and understanding of our situation and extremely helpful. (So if you ever look into moving to Springfield, MO. I'd reccomend any of these places: Lakewood Village, Chesterfield Village and Dryden Place- they are all owned by the Wooten Company). None of these places made us feel pressured to rent at their place but was more interested in meeting our needs and that was a blessing. After looking at all three of these places, we decided to get some lunch to discuss our options. 


We had lunch at Dairy Queen and while we were ordering, we asked if they were hiring. They said that they had just hired a few people but one person didn't show up, so yes, they were hiring. So, I applied. (Due to my health issues, I can only work part-time). When I turned in my application, I actually got to speak to the manager, and he was very nice and we were able to tell him our situation about how we were trying to move as soon as possible but needed jobs first. He was very understanding and said he'd tell his boss. Then as we were walking out of Dairy Queen, my husband saw some guys dressed in BMW maintenance clothes, so he asked if they were hiring. The guys said probably and told him to go over to the dealership and ask. (DIVINE INTERVENTIONS!!:) We headed straight over there and Brandon went in, while I stayed in the car, waiting anxiously. Well, I wound up waiting about an hour and a half because they gave him two interviews on the spot!! They seemed very interested in him and said that when they got his background check back, they'd give him a call to let him know what they think. 


Then we headed back to Dryden Place and put a deposit down because we absolutely fell in love with the townhomes there. We set our tentative move-in date for June 15. After that, we journeyed back to Oklahoma. We decided though, that if either of us got jobs, we would move as soon as we could...


This morning I got a call from the owner of the Dairy Queen that I applied at yesterday. She was extremely nice and understanding. She told me that the manager I had spoken to the day before, said that she should hire me! How nice right?! Then she told me that she wanted me to work for and to keep her posted on when I could start. So I called Brandon and told him that I have a job in Springfield and he has decided to put in his two weeks notice tomorrow for MACU. I then called Dryden Place and asked her if we could move up our move-in date and she said "Absolutely"!! 


**Side-note: All throughout today, the BMW place has been calling Brandon's references! They wouldn't care about his references if they didn't want him to work for them right?!? :) 


So, as of today, we are moving to Springfield May 11th!!!!  Of course, we will really miss our friends and family and Church family here in Oklahoma!! But, this is something we need to do. We are excited to take this step in life together.


So, if you're our friends and family and you wanna see us before we move, let us know!! We'd love to spend some time with you before MAY 11! Or you can come help us pack everything too! ;) I would like to ask y'all to be praying for us as well. Thank you dear friends! The Lord is good and faithful! Amen.

SEX!

So last year I went to a sex forum on my campus and I took notes. While scavenging through my Bible, the notes fell out, I read them and decided they are worthy of sharing with you fine people.

Relating:

Women will use sex to get love

-Women imprint on the person

Men will use love to get sex

-Men imprint on the experience

-The experience identifies them sexually

THE FACTS:

People who are having promiscuous sex have the highest divorce rate (60-70%)

Those who wait have a 5% divorce rate

Humans are sexual beings

God is the author of sex

God has a plan for your sex life

God made sex to be good within the context of marriage

There is a difference between desire and need= lust IS MANAGEABLE

No-one has ever died from not having sex

There is an entire book in the Bible about sex

ENCOURAGEMENT:

Confidence is attractive! But also know there's room for building up!

Find your security in your of Christ

Women-

You are the crown of creation

Wisdom is referred to as woman

Only women can create children= life!

You are beautiful!

A man want to fight for you!

You have to let him fight for you!

You are worth being pursued!

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

*NOTE: When I have more time, I will come back and elaborate on this post further.

Baby Fever!

Tonight as I write, there is rain pattering on the window outside, candlelight flickering on the walls and my husband in a deep sleep... But I can't get comfortable enough to fall asleep, so I got on our laptop and got on almost every woman's addiction, Pinterest! I usually look at the humor section first so that I can nudge Brandon if he's still awake and share some funnies with him. Then I move on to the women's apparel section & the beauty, drooling over clothes I will never be able to afford and hair styles I will never be able to pull off. Somehow though, I always wind up spending the majority of my time in the kids section, "ooing and awwing" over babies, therefore I believe it's safe to say that I now have what most call the "baby fever". Lately, my husband and I will be watching a show or a movie and there will be baby present, even if just for a brief second, I cannot get that baby's cuteness out of my head. I have begun to daydream of what our kids will look like, how they will act, if I will be a good mom? Questions and excitement overwhelm my mind. Heck even tonight we were at wal-mart and walked by the baby clothes section and I stopped to adore how cute and tiny the outfit was.

Before Brandon and I got married, we said that we wanted to wait at least 3-5 years before having kids. But now when we talk about it, although we still want to wait awhile, our timeline for children seems to get shorter and shorter. Don't worry friends, we are not rushing this decision by no means. I just want to express my excitement for being a mother in the future and having a wonderful husband to be by side for it. We will have children when God ordains it, whether that be within the next year, five years from now or not at all, we have to trust His timing even when the "baby fever" is running rampant through my blood right now. ;)

It will mean more than the world to me when Brandon & I have kids and he sticks around and is present as a Father in every way in their lives...because I grew up with many different men whom were cast as that role but were cut. I don't blame my mom by any means, she was protecting herself and I admire her courage for that. She is a good mother and I couldn't ask for a better person to have raised me; my mom did a damn good job for all she had to deal with along the way while raising us... Watching Brandon play and interact with my siblings (who range ages 3-21) he does a magnificent job especially with the younger ones, he sure knows how to show them love and have fun with them. While we were there over Christmas break, he played Nerf gun wars with Mark (3) and Leah (5) and I was so impressed how well he did with them! I believe my husband will be an exceptional and outstanding father when we get to that point.

Oh and one thing I also enjoy is thinking about names already! I have some beautiful ideas for names and my kids better love me for it. tehe. Welp, I am getting a little groggy so I am going to look at Pinterest some more and go to sleep. I'm sure Brandon is having some nightmare with the sound of keys clicking in it anyway... So dear friends, tell me... do you have the "baby fever"? ;)

mindless boredom

Do you ever have those days where nothing can satisfy your mind? I do quite a bit and I'm not sure why. While my husband and I are sitting down watching a movie at home, the movie can't quite keep my interest... It's not because the movie is boring but it's more like my mind can't rest; so I'll start playing on my phone, checking social networks every 5 minutes even though nothing's changed. Sometimes when I'm laying in bed, I can't even begin to rest because to my mind, sleep is boring so I want to get up and go do something at 11 o' clock at night but Brandon's is asleep to work the next day and I can't drive the manual truck. If it wasn't so cold outside, I would go on a walk but then again, I'm a 20 year old and I'd like to think attractive lady, so walking around late at night wouldn't be the brightest idea. So I do "THE LIST" as Sarah Jessica Parker would call it from I Don't Know How She Does It. Then I find myself distracted in conversations, a person will be talking to me and my mind will start thinking about a million different things as if the person's dialogue can't suffice the entertainment my mind desires. Praying is another thing that gets me... I'll be in the middle of a passionate plea when my mind starts planning out different scenarios of my life. Oh and the worst time that my mind just can't seem to be at rest is during sex... now don't get me wrong, my husband is amazing, I just can't seem to focus on the intimacy 100% and it's ridiculous... I can't ever seem to just BE!

So you as my fellow blogger, readers, friends, etc. Tell me what you think please! Do you have any solutions that can help my focus? Ease my mind to allow it to rest? Have you had these problems?

My Wedding

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Megan Fox's Hair

I've become more and more insecure about my body lately. My stomach isn't as flat as it used to be, my curves are getting curvier and my thighs are thickening. My husband and I have started working out every monday, wednesday, and friday, but lately my immunue system has been deafeated and my sickness leaves my body weak and feeling like I don't want to do anything extra. Thus, these curves, thighs and stomach aren't getting any smaller. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't think "danggg I look sexy" Rather, I think "ugh, what a mess". I've always been that way; never really thought much about my looks. I've never been the beautifl girl, always the pretty, eh average looking girl. In high school (not that it matters anymore) I wasn't popular, mostly the middle overlooked girl. And that's how I still feel. Maybe it's because I don't have the right clothes or I don't wear my make-up right (much less wear it at all because I was never taught how to apply it) or maybe I didn't keep my braces long enough to straighten out my teeth all the way, or I don't style my hair perfectly. These are all things I think when I look at myself in the mirror; all of my insecurites.

Yes, I know that I'm a creation of God and He made me perfectly, but why don't I feel that way? Why don't I feel beautiful? Even though I'm married and I have a man to love me no matter my condition... why do I still get insecure walking into to his workplace that's filled with beautiful women? What if one of them is just a little prettier than me? What if one of them catches his attention for just a second and his heart falters? I want to feel beautiful even when I'm sick, even when I take 2 hours to get ready, right when I wake up, after a workout or when I take my helmet off after riding the motorcycle. And just if you're wondering, when Megan Fox takes her helmet off in Transformers and her hair is completely perfect and not a strand is out of place... it's a lie!